I don't have long to talk. I just, I, I miss you, Xanga.
I'll be back.

Whenever I'm missing Corey, these are the songs I listen to:

Let Her Go - Passenger
Santeria - Sublime
Yellow - Coldplay
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows
Peace - OAR
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Wonderwall - Oasis
Tim McGraw - Taylor Swift
Say it Ain't So - Weezer
Trouble - Coldpay

Have you ever had a dream so vivid about a dead person whom you haven't seen in a while, that it made you wonder if dreams can connect with the afterlife? If that really was them in your dream that you were talking to? That wherever they are right now, they talked to you too? ...

I saw Papa last night in my dream, and it was so him and so normal. He's been dead too long to be able to remember all those details while asleep, right? Most dreams are just dreams to me, but every once in a while I wake up and have an inner feeling that it was more than a dream, or that the characters were more than dreampt up by me. I woke up with that feeling, and I walked out into the living room with a cold feeling. He had just been right there, talking to me, laughing with me, telling me to hurry up for church... And then just like that, poof, he was gone.
The morning sun was fresh in the sky outside my window, and I glanced at my phone. It was 9:43am on Sunday. If I was in Victoria, I would be arriving at the church right then. If Papa was still alive, he'd have gotten us there at 9:30am instead, due to his ever-fast, but always good, driving. The thought of that made me cry. It all seemed just like yesterday. Not abnormal. The feeling still shocks me about how familiar it still all is... Or would be.

So I've been listening to a lot of Avenged Sevenfold since springtime... They remind me of Uncle Ben.. And when I say 'remind me', I mean that in the deepest, most complex, truest meaning ever... In fact, call me crazy, - thank God there's no one left here to call me crazy - but I actually believe with all my heart, that there are certain songs out there that are actually my uncle talking specifically to me. And I feel like he's alive with me every time I listen to them. It gives me closure, reassurance, and an enormous feeling of protection. But of course there are the doubts, and the worldly perceptions I still hold onto, that this is impossible. But I get a different feeling every time I listen to these songs.. It's not all A7X songs, sometimes it's others.. Hurt by Trent Reznor, the version by Johnny Cash, was the first song that I felt was my uncle trying to speak to me beyond the grave. He told me once that it was a song he was proud of having just learned on his guitar. After his death, it took on a new meaning.
Now I think that I have somewhat of a supernatural ability to connect with others - living and dead - through music. And that makes me happy. But it also makes me wonder...
Where is Papa?
Why can't I reach Papa?
Is it a matter of finding him?
Is he in any of the songs out there?
Which one is right?
How long will it take to find it?
Where should I be searching?
Are there any clues here to find it?
Will he ever turn up?
Will I ever talk to him again?
Does he still exist?
Was last night's dream really him?
Is he still here?
Is he closer than I think?
?

Afterlife
Almost Easy
Bat Country
Beast and the Harlot
Buried Alive
Coming Home
Crimson Day
Dear God
Fiction
Hail To The King
A Little Piece of Heaven
M.I.A.
Nightmare
Scream
Seize the Day
So Far Away
Victim
Welcome to the Family

I'm sitting here trying to let the words flow straight on through to this page.. What can I say? It's been a while.

Songs of the summer so far:
Let Her Go - Passenger
Wreck of the Day - Anna Nalick [repeat from summer 2010]
Breathing - Yellowcard
Santeria - Sublime [repeat from summer 2011]
Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows [repeat from summer 2008]
Peace - O.A.R.
Wonderwall - Oasis [repeat from summer 2006]
Everlong - Foo Fighters
Disappear - Motion City Soundtrack
Her Words Destroyed My Planet - Motion City Soundtrack
The Weakends - Motion City Soundtrack
Gravity - My Chemical Romance
We Remain - a Corey Jackson original
Welcome to the Family - Avenged Sevenfold
Coming Home - Avenged Sevenfold
Trouble - Coldplay
Yellow - Coldplay
Rainbow in the Dark - Das Racist
Hoes in Different Area Codes - Ludacris
Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces

And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight