June 17, 2014

  • Having a "long day" ...

    I miss his cute half smile that he does when his green eyes light up because he's excited. I miss getting to see that and kiss that. I miss he way we cuddled. I miss the way we connected in unexpected ways. I miss his tongue. I miss his voice. I miss it like a god damn vice. I miss the jam sessions together. I miss the way I could be myself. Oh my god, I miss it all really bad right now, and I'm trying SO HARD to not crack and text him because I really do want to stay faithful now, and I haven't gone back on it yet, but it's SO damn hard... I think I'll go smoke a bowl and/or make some food to take my mind off it... Ive been trying my best to get Carlton to be the one to take my mind off it, cause naturally that would be the best thing to refocus on right now, but he won't wake up, and I can't exactly tell him that the reason I need him to wake up right now is because my heart is aching over another guy, especially THAT guy... He wouldn't understand, and he wouldn't see that I'm really trying hard to stay faithful, he'd only hear that I'm still not over Corey, and that would cause another fight, which would cause me to long for him even worse, and it would just not end well. So yeah, I guess I'll try something else to distract me... I'm literally at war with myself right now, just begging myself to stay strong and keep that line closed, this sucksssss!!!