May 20, 2014

  • Ugly

    Okay, I've just been instructed to be less confident with myself, even though it's kinda just always been a show, (I thought that was obvious, huh, guess I am a better actress than I thought...) Okay, well I guess I better listen up and start hating myself like every single other girl in the world... But wouldn't it be somewhat annoying if I was constantly fishing for compliments and dogging myself just to look "humble"? Honestly it seems a little more fake to me to pretend to hate yourself just to get more attention... Usually when I compliment myself, someone agrees and then we're done talking about my amzing-ness; the deed is done. But all the girls who are always dissing themselves in order to look sweet and gain admiration for being so humble and so sadly self conscious; they just drag it on and on for waaaay longer than my compliments ever could go. They will NEVER admit that they like any part of themselves, even if they are drop dead gorgeous. And I'm sorry, but it just gets so fucking annoying to me, and it seems like the type of people who are worth getting compliments from, are the type of people who can see through a seemingly sweet-girl act for what it really is: the worst kind of shameless self-promotion, the kind that tricks the audience into thinking it's the opposite of self-promotion. Sorry girls, but dissing yourself is only cool in stand-up comedy. You're just an obvious idiot if you're an attractive person and you think you're fooling anyone under the guise of being "ugly" or, even more commonly, "fat". You're only as fat as your height, gals! I weigh 105 lbs, and I am considered hot. BUT I am 5 foot two, which is considered short AF, so it only makes sense that 105 is a decent weight for my height. But if you are taller than that (chances are you are), then you have to add some pounds for every extra inch in height! A petty (ugly) girl once asked what pants size I am, and when I responded "it varies from double zero to one", she rudely laughed out loud and said, "What?! But size SIX is considered the 'perfect woman size!'" And, I am actually fucking humble enough to where I didn't argue with her. I could have pointed out that she is taller than me; I could have pointed out that her body doesn't matter because her face is terrible; I could have pointed out that she can't even be considered a 'butterface', because her face sucks too!; I could've pointed out that a stupid number on a tag doesn't hold up against the actual way your body looks in real life!; but most importantly, I could've pointed out that I frankly don't give a fuck what kind of criticism a butt-ugly, jealous girl has for my body size... But turns out that I AM the bigger person after all, because all I ended up saying was, "Oh, that's okay, I'm not trying to be the 'perfect girl' anyways." She was silent and gave me a look... I feel like I won, but at the same time, FUCK THAT BITCH, because deep down, even I went to sleep that night fighting tears just due to worrying about being 'too small'... Like reverting back to fucking sixth grade when my two best friends had anorexia and double D's, and I ate food constantly in front of everyone but I was still made fun of for being 'anorexic', because I had the oh-so-cruel fate of being a 'late-bloomer'... The absolute, hands-down, WORST curse a middle school girl can receive... A pretty face and a happy smile apparently doesn't match up against boobs, sooooo. Yeah that flat-chested part of my life REALLY left scars maybe, and thankfully for a long time now I have been happy with my body (since I got boobs, haha), but every now and then someone is bitter about my size or weight, or god forbid chest size, and it just still cuts to the core just like it always did... The only difference is that it doesn't happen as often now that I have at least *something* to show upstairs... Not that I feel like I have "enough", but at least it's better than 6th grade... Anyways, I put on a show to make people forget that I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world... Well, I guess so much for faking it till ya make it... Guess I'll either become actually anorexic now, or eat my way up to a plump size 6... Cool.