February 25, 2014

  • 23rd Birthday Post

    Turned 23 while hanging out with Carlton's friends at 12:24am
    Spent first 4 hours of my 23rd birthday taking frequent bathroom trips with a straw and some magic powder in my pockets from 12am - 4am
    Got home at 4:20am
    Re-dosed with another 15mg Focalin cap at 4:30am
    Smoked a onie at 4:55am
    Carlton passed out at 5am
    Railed about 5mg of Focalin at 5:05am
    Began writing this at [ATX-O-CLOCK!] AKA 5:12am (because Austin's area code is 512)
    OCD begins to creep in at 5:15am
    Spent next 3 hours writing a lot of trail-off-tangents and fragments obsessively from 5am -- 8am
    Come-down starts setting in gradually, but the crash is still far off at 7:30am
    Coming down harder now and possibly nearing the crash at 8:23am ... Need to re-dose again, STAT
    [*Pause to dose-up*]
    Chugged half an Icehouse tall-boy at 8:31am
    Fading much faster now into the crash-slope while frantically racing to crush the pills before the crash hits, at 8:47am
    Finished crushing 15mg of Focalin right in the nick of time, then proceeded to spill entire contents on myself and my bed at 8:48am
    Well, I see no reason why the five second rule can't apply to drugs too, so at 8:49am ...
    "Cleaning up" the mess at 8:49am
    Beginning to fade back away from the impending threat of sobriety at 8:57am ... may have dodged this bullet for a bit longer now; will re-evaluate my dosages soon
    Carlton woke up briefly but somewhat cognitive this time (thank God, I was starting to worry that I'd over-drugged him and he'd be comatose today) at 9:20am
    *Time for another dosing*
    Should I do an Amyl? Hmm, this shall be the crisis of the minute ... what to do? 9:35am
    Feeling a sudden rush of emotions and ideas - one of the familiar peaking-effects of the drug; it used to be more exciting before I knew when and how to expect it and- ... *Now now, no need to get detailed - the format of this post was designed specifically to keep me from getting off track in that way ...  ... [9:44am]
    Feeling an increasingly strong urge to overanalyze everything - LITERALLY, everything - that there is, in one nice, long, good 'ol therapeutic spill-all post like old times, but isn't that just what turns everything into nothing all at once??? Where are the lines between all the ... um, the ... the... something ... [9:45am] [edited at 10:19am]
    Alright, stop there. No need to elaborate, that makes sense enough - at least for the amount of people who will ever potentially read this post; I think all of one. [10:56am]

    Well, I will continue to update this post as it goes along, but I'm gonna go ahead and publish it now because well, no one will read it anyway and all that matters as far as this little corner of my world goes, is that I publish something at all, and not leave it to rot in my drafts like usual...

    I feel bad now. I'm gonna go re-dose, then go from there.
    Later gators